Rage
Where did Mel get his rage?
So we’ve all gotten angry at one point in time, but Mel..Melly...Melster, what happened? I know that rage can be an obvious and very exaggerated way to make your point, but let’s first just talk about the anger part for a moment. Does anyone ever wonder if he knew he was being recorded or even what he was saying? He was recorded for screaming at the top of his lungs obscenities to his wife, things I would never say unless I was being pushed on the NYC subway, of course. All jokes aside what is it about men and women that says that this type of behavior is acceptable. What is the underlying message that Mel was trying to give to his wife by calling her a F&*%$## you know what!
As any therapist, we want to look at what is behind the anger. We call anger a secondary emotion which is an emotion expressed on the surface, something that is obvious. Then we have the primary emotion which is the base of the anger. What could this be? Maybe some hurt, maybe someone in Mel’s past used him and this hurt was being projected onto his wife. So has anyone asked Mel what is behind this scary rage? This man has to be asked eventually because eventually he will have to regain his presence in society whether we like it or not. I say this because I see most people angry with him as well and showing judgement towards his actions, but let’s take a minute and figure out what happened with him. What has caused this man to go off the deep end and fall on his face, again! He’s been called a racist, now an abuser, what’s next, a rapist? I think most of us have to shake our heads on Mel’s behavior but the rest of us have to figure out and talk about our own emotions, our primary emotions that are present underneath the anger.
It is so easy for someone to just scream and yell and insult but who really has the courage to say that they are scared because let’s face it Mel was probably pretty horrified in the moment but just covered everything up with obscenities. However, as many men and yes you woman have a hard time at expressing that vulnerability. That scary forbidden place that you really can’t go to because it might mean you’re weak. The big W word, no one wants to be weak or be seen as such since our society is very competitive and we have to strive to be the best...always, or do we?
However, the next thing we can talk about is how to keep this balance of being strong and maybe being a little bit more vulnerable. I know when we let our guard down things happen, but have you ever asked yourself if the wall being up actually prevents you from being hurt, probably not. So I ask everyone what would happen if we showed the vulnerable side once in awhile just because we wanted someone to love us and care for us. Maybe if Mel put that HUGE SCARY RACIST OBSCENE wall down he’ll find some joy in his life with some positive connections. How do you do that? I think maybe trusting a bit more or maybe allowing yourself to feel a human connection, something that we all need to survive. Just a little bit of humanness on a daily basis and things start to change. Our minds open up and we smile and sit back with our Starbucks and enjoy. So, yes I know it sounds a bit like I’m defending old Mr. Gibson but really I’m asking the next time you attempt to judge, maybe see the other side of the wall that Mr. Gibson has put up to the world and to his loved ones. I ask you all to consider the other side so that we do not fall into the trap of judgement, because it’s so so easy.
