Pressure, Why won't it leave me alone?

So, everyone, I think, at some point of their life feels the P-word! Not, the F-word, not the L-word (good series by the way) or the S-word, its ‘P’ for pressure.  We often feel the pressure physically, i.e., in and around our head, around our neck, around our back, around our feet, around our temples, around and around and around!  We also may feel along with that pressure, some insecurity and some doubts about what we’re trying to tackle.  Believe me, it happens! (nods and smiles!)

I often ask clients what they do to manage this pressure that has entered their lives.  This way the problem is not them, it’s this outside thing that is causing all the harm.  Most people would say, "I don’t know, I go for a walk.” - I agree, walking is great, you regenerate your body with oxygen, get the blood flowing and maybe feel a bit less pressure, but what are you thinking about while you are on this lovely nature walk?  Do you even live in an area where you can do this?  Or do you live in some congested city with cars, and subways, and people annoyed with both.  Also, what are you thinking about on this walk to ‘clear’ your head?  My lovely mother is notorious for cleaning obsessively when she feels this pressure and has stated that while she obsessively cleans, is also obsessively continuing the thoughts that have given her this pressure. 

Then I ask clients to describe this heavy and ugly ‘thing’ of pressure that often consumes us.  This way, the person can get a visual image and separate themselves for a minute from the problem at hand.  The next question is how do we tame the pressure and how do we not let it consume us, because as in most cases a little bit of pressure is necessary.  The pressure is needed to give us that extra push, that extra drive to achieve our goal. 

 So we have declared that pressure can be a good thing as long as it shrinks a bit, but the question is how do we shrink it? Put it in the dryer..No! I think we need to pull some tools out our bag of tricks! Tah dah!  Ok, the first tool we'll call validation. There is a good word, validate. V-A-L-I-D-A-T-E.  I think often times the V word goes out the window and the P word has some sort of greater familiarity to it.  Where do you get your V-A-L-I-D-A-T-I-O-N?  Sometimes it’s not from our F-A-M-I-L-Y or our, ok I’ll stop with the spelling of everything, from our friends or coworkers, or sadly even ourselves!  The validation that -- yes, you are doing a good job and yes, you are working the best you can with what ya got!  How often do we stop and recite those one-liners - those phrases that get us motivated to remember the value in what we do. 

Does anyone remember the SNL segment with Stuart Smalley when he looks in the mirror and says, “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough and gosh darn it, people like me!” I know it’s cornier than a corn field, but there is some truth in it.  Give yourself a pat on the back when you cannot find it in the people in your surroundings.  Take a step back and remember the value you saw in your work, the value from which you have unfortunately drifted away.  Then,  I bet the P word will actually stand for Praise and less for Pressure! So there it is, two tools that we as humans have access to 24-7, validation and value.  It is during the therapeutic process one is able to access or re-access those tools that we naturally have and might have forgotten about.  So I encourage you all the next time you walk past a mirror or receive another call from that nagging relative is to stop, validate and value who you are.  I hope this leads you on the path to your preferred self, your true - you!